The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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