Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
