You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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