No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
