How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
