so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
