I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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