He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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