Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
