dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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