Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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