How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
