Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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