Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
