You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
