My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
