my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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