You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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