I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
