Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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