Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
