I CAN MOONWALK!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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