3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
