cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
