So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
