my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
