Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
