saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
