I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
