Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
