My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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