I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
