so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
