when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
