I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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