Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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