i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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