peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
