Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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