God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
