Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
