I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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