oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Blood and glitter go together right?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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