My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
