So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
