Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(562): View more from California

glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore

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(775): View more from Nevada

No, you can still breathe under the balls.

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever

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(914): View more from New York

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

(845): View more from New York

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914): View more from New York

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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(520): View more from Arizona

I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.

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(716): View more from New York

I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows

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(305): View more from Florida

I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.

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