Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
