Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
