Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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