Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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